I have been asked this before and was recently approached to write about the topic. If I identify as being polyamorous, why get married in the first place? The simplest answer is, why the hell not? But, I suppose that’s not good enough. I’ll skip the part where there are a lot of benefits to being legally married, such as financial and medical, just to name a few. We already know that being married has its benefits on day to day life, so lets explore why someone who is interested in loving many would want to be legally tied down to one.
Everyone’s journey is different. When my husband and I first began seeing each other, we were strictly monogamous. When he proposed marriage to me, we were still monogamous. I suppose how one defines monogamy can come into play here. We were not physically with other people but we did enjoy being intimate with other people online, webcam, or even on the phone. I guess you can say we were on the path of opening up our relationship without even realizing that is where we were headed.
The year following our engagement, our relationship began to change. We started opening up our bedroom to other people. We began exploring, in small baby steps, the excitement of having threesomes and moresomes. Even though all this was happening, it didn’t change my views about my soon to be husband. It never once made me think, maybe I shouldn’t be getting married to him if I am enjoying the sexual company of other people. I wanted to marry him. I wanted this man to be a part of my life for a very long time.
So we married.
The years following our marriage were when I began to realize I wasn’t much of a “swinger”, but more of a polyamorist. I began to realize I wanted more than “just sex” from people and found deeper relationships more fulfilling. So began my journey into polyamory. I haven’t been involved with many men, or women for that matter. Love was only involved once with another man.
I love the man I call my husband and though my heart has room to love others, the reality of living a polyamorous lifestyle may be very slim. As I think about the small handful of men I have had varying, intimate relationships with, one thing holds true, those relationships are over and most of those men are no longer in my life. You know who is? That’s right, my husband. Day in and day out, there is one man I can always rely on, my husband. I couldn’t have picked a better person to share my life with. He’s the person I enjoy spending my free time with, traveling with, making love to, etc etc. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy doing these things with other men, but my reality thus far, has been that no one is able to stick around for longer than a few months.
So why did I bother getting married? Because for me, I still enjoy the idea of spending the rest of my life with one man. Since we have an open marriage today, I am not stifled from meeting new people and having new experiences. Maybe one day, I will know what it is like to live the polyamory lifestyle. A lifestyle in which I and my husband have other partners we share a loving and deep connection with and we all live happily day after day, including these people into our own lives and these people are in our lives for much longer than a few months. Even if that day comes, I will never once regret having married the man I love. I’m still going to want to live this life with him. As people come and go in our lives, he will always be the one constant. I couldn’t have picked a better person to be my partner in this life.
So why bother getting married if I identify as a polyamorist? My answer is still… why not?
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